Am I Trauma Bonded?

Q: What does the "Am I Trauma Bonded?" quiz measure?

This free self-assessment quiz helps you reflect on when leaving feels impossible even though staying hurts. It includes 10 questions and takes about 4 minutes. Results are for self-reflection, not clinical diagnosis.

Q: Is the "Am I Trauma Bonded?" quiz free?

Yes. This quiz is completely free, anonymous, and requires no signup. Your answers are processed in your browser and never stored or shared.

Q: What does "Low Trauma Bond Indicators" mean?

You can love this person without losing yourself in the process. What you're showing here is the ability to stay connected to someone without your nervous system becoming hostage to the relationship. You can see them clearly, enjoy the good without needing it to ju

Q: What does "Moderate Trauma Bond Indicators" mean?

The cycle of pain and relief has started to rewire how you experience love. I want you to stay with what's coming up right now, because your answers are pointing to something that deserves your full attention. You're caught in a pattern where the cruelty and the kindness have

Q: What does "Strong Trauma Bond Indicators" mean?

Your nervous system has been hijacked by a cycle of harm and repair, and you deserve help getting free. I need to say this to you plainly, with as much care as I can put behind the words. What you're describing is a trauma bond. The inability to leave, the physical withdrawal, the way the good days feel

Question 1

Right now, think about the last time they were kind to you after being cruel. What do you notice happening in your body?

Answer

A flood of relief so intense it felt like love. In that moment, everything they did before disappeared and I would have forgiven anything just to stay in that warmth.

Answer

Something in me softened immediately, even though a quieter part of me was whispering that this is how it always goes.

Answer

I could see what was happening, the push and pull, but it still landed. The good moments still have weight.

Answer

An apology after harm doesn't reset the counter for me. I can hold both things at once without one canceling out the other.

Question 2

When a friend says something honest about your partner, something that worries them, what comes up in you?

Answer

My walls go up instantly. I start explaining, justifying, making my friend the problem. Sometimes I stop talking to people who see too clearly.

Answer

I push back in the moment, but their words circle back to me at 2 a.m. when I can't sleep.

Answer

It stings, but I've started letting those conversations sit with me instead of shutting them down.

Answer

I trust the people who love me enough to tell me the truth. Their outside perspective matters.

Question 3

What do you notice when you think about the intensity of this relationship compared to others you've had?

Answer

Nothing has ever come close. The highs are so high that the lows feel like the price of admission for something rare. I've told myself that this intensity is what real love actually feels like.

Answer

Part of me knows the chaos isn't healthy, but calm relationships feel boring by comparison. The volatility keeps me locked in.

Answer

I've started wondering whether what I've been calling passion is actually just instability wearing a different name.

Answer

I know the difference between depth and dysfunction. Love can be quiet and steady and still be the most real thing in your life.

Question 4

Be honest with yourself right now. Do you feel addicted to this person?

Answer

Yes. When they pull away, my body goes into withdrawal. I can't eat, I can't focus, I can't sleep. Getting their attention back becomes the only thing that matters.

Answer

I've left or tried to leave, and the pull back is almost physical. It's not that I want to go back. It's that something in me needs to.

Answer

There's a gravitational pull, but I've started building enough distance to see it for what it is.

Answer

I care about them, but my nervous system doesn't collapse when they're not around. I can breathe on my own.

Question 5

Think about the times you've tried to leave, or thought about leaving. What happened?

Answer

Every time. They cried, or promised to change, or suddenly became the person I fell in love with. And I stayed. Again. I feel ashamed even writing this.

Answer

I get as far as packing a bag or drafting a message, and then the fear of being without them swallows everything else.

Answer

I've created some distance and I'm holding it, even though it takes everything I have some days.

Answer

When something is harmful, I can walk away. It hurts, but I trust myself to choose what's good for me.

Question 6

Right now, notice what happens when you start to list the excuses you've made for their behavior.

Answer

I have an explanation for everything. Their childhood, their stress, their mental health. I've built an entire case for why they aren't responsible for what they do to me.

Answer

I catch myself softening things. 'It wasn't that bad.' 'They didn't mean it.' I know I'm doing it, but stopping feels like admitting something I'm not ready to admit.

Answer

The excuses are getting thinner. I can hear how hollow they sound now, even as they leave my mouth.

Answer

Understanding someone's pain doesn't mean I have to accept being hurt by it. Those are two separate things.

Question 7

What do you notice when you think about the friends or family you've pulled away from since this relationship started?

Answer

I barely talk to anyone anymore. Some of it was them pushing people away. Some of it was me, because it was easier than explaining. My world is very small now.

Answer

I've drifted from people who ask too many questions or look at me with that worried expression I can't stand seeing.

Answer

Some relationships suffered, but I've started reaching back out. Reconnecting feels like finding pieces of myself I'd misplaced.

Answer

I've kept my people close. No relationship should require me to give up the rest of my life.

Question 8

Sit with this one carefully. Do you believe you can change them?

Answer

Somewhere deep down, I still believe that if I'm patient enough, gentle enough, forgiving enough, they'll finally become the person I see in their best moments. I know how that sounds.

Answer

Logically I know people don't change because you want them to. But there's a stubborn thread of hope I can't seem to cut.

Answer

I've grieved the version of them I wanted. It's a slow process, but I'm getting closer to seeing who they actually are.

Answer

I can love someone and still recognize that their growth is their responsibility, not my project.

Question 9

Think about the good days. The ones you hold onto. What do you notice about how those days function in your mind?

Answer

They're everything. I replay them like evidence that this relationship is worth it. Without those days, I'd have nothing left to hold onto, and I think I know that.

Answer

When things get really dark, I pull out the memory of a good day like a life raft. It keeps me from drowning, but I'm starting to wonder if a life raft is the same thing as solid ground.

Answer

I appreciate the good moments, but I've stopped letting them erase what happens the rest of the time.

Answer

Most days are good. The good isn't something rare I cling to. It's just how things are.

Question 10

Right now, notice what's happening in your body when you're apart from this person for more than a day or two.

Answer

Chest tight, stomach in knots, hands shaking. It feels physical, like withdrawal from a substance. I've mistaken this feeling for proof that I can't live without them.

Answer

A low, buzzing anxiety that doesn't let up. I check my phone constantly. I can't settle into anything else because part of me is always orbiting them.

Answer

There's discomfort, but I can sit with it. The unease is getting quieter the more I practice tolerating it.

Answer

Honestly, I feel calmer. There's space to breathe that I don't always have when they're around.